EMDR, Explained With a Boat and a Suitcase

Guest: Lorain Moorehead, LCSW at www.LorainMoorehead.com

Every parent’s heard some version of it: “I don’t know why I’m so mad.” A meltdown that seems way bigger than whatever triggered it. A reaction that doesn’t match the moment — and doesn’t get better no matter how many times you talk it through or practice deep breaths together.

You’ve probably heard the term EMDR floating around — maybe from another parent, a school counselor, or your own therapist — but the letters themselves don’t explain much. Is it for kids? Adults? Does it actually work, or is it just another therapy buzzword?

I sat down with Lorain Moorehead, a licensed clinical social worker (and one of my closest colleagues), to get a real answer.

What EMDR actually stands for — and what it’s really doing

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. But Lorain’s explanation went past the acronym to something much more useful: a metaphor about a suitcase and a boat.

Imagine trying to move a suitcase across water. If your boat is small and the suitcase is heavy, that’s a rough trip. If your boat is a yacht, no problem. EMDR does two things at once: it helps build a bigger “boat” — your internal resources, coping tools, and support systems — while also shrinking the “suitcase” — the weight of whatever’s stuck.

Here’s the part that clicked for me: most of our thoughts and feelings pass through us and get processed normally, like digesting food. But sometimes a thought gets “stuck” — undigested — and it quietly shapes how a person sees everything afterward, like wearing tinted glasses without realizing it. That anger outburst in the checkout line? It’s rarely actually about the line. It usually traces back to something that, at first glance, looks completely unrelated.

Why “just breathe” doesn’t always work

A lot of coping strategies target the thinking, planning part of the brain. EMDR is aimed somewhere different — what Lorain calls the “caveman brain,” the part responsible for instinctual, emotional reactions. That’s why a child (or adult) can know logically that they’re safe and still feel flooded — the reaction isn’t coming from the logical part of the brain at all.

The “eye movement” part comes from something called bilateral stimulation — alternating left-right stimulation (eye movement, tapping, or even sound) that mirrors what happens naturally during REM sleep, when your brain does its own overnight “sorting.” It’s the reason you sometimes wake up feeling better about something you went to bed upset about — EMDR is essentially recreating that same left-brain/right-brain connection intentionally.

Is this actually for kids?

Yes — with the right modifications. Lorain described age-appropriate versions of bilateral stimulation for younger children: a “magic wand” tapping on the knees, following a toy, or simple tapping instead of formal eye movement exercises. The key is working with someone who’s specifically trained in adapting EMDR for kids, not just applying the adult protocol to a smaller person.

How to find someone actually qualified

This was maybe the most practical part of the conversation. “EMDR trained” and “EMDR certified” are not the same thing, and a lot of families don’t know to ask the difference:

• EMDR trained means completing Level 1, Level 2, and consultation hours — more than 50 hours total.
• EMDR certified requires an additional 20+ hours of consultation, and reflects a much deeper, more nuanced ability to adapt the approach to what a specific client actually needs, rather than just following a script.

A good question to ask any therapist recommending EMDR: “What’s your level of training — trained, or certified? How far along are you?” It’s a completely reasonable thing to ask before starting something that intensive.

Does it work through telehealth?

Yes — Lorain does EMDR via telehealth regularly, modifying the bilateral stimulation method (tapping instead of a light bar, for example) to fit the setting. The tool matters less than the therapist’s ability to read how a client is responding in real time and adjust.

Where to start

If your child has big reactions that don’t seem to match the moment — or you’ve been curious whether EMDR could help your own family navigate something specific — it’s worth a conversation about whether this approach makes sense for your situation.

[Schedule your free 15-minute consultation →]

And if you want to learn more directly from Lorain, find her at lorainmoorehead.com, or check out her podcast, The Self-Careapist.